Rivers Casino – Pittsburgh, PA

Nina’s mom was in town (as well as her aunt and best friend), so I gave them some options of things we could do on Sunday. They chose…gambling. So we went to the new (well it’s a few months old but we are both kind of slackers that work hard so cut us some this doesn’t work with this slack) Rivers Casino during the Steelers vs. Bengals game.

You should totally go to the Casino during the game. You can watch the game on every screen on every slot machine, in the bars, on big screens, pretty much everywhere. And the casino is not crowded. At all.

Food-wise, hot dogs or kielbasa were $1 each. It wasn’t anything fancy, but Vienna Beef made them and they were tasty enough. Don’t expect a high end blow you away dog, but you know. It’s $1. That said, Coors Light was also $1 and you should be paid $4.75 to drink one. What a wretched bottle of pee water. You can always get free drinks at the casino, though, and park free during the game. In addition to being slackers who end up working a lot, we also are poor, so free drinks and $1 food and free parking and the chance to win money? Yes, every score by the Steelers gets you $5. Sold.

We noticed that slot machines are broken down into a few categories:
• Mystical – Nostradamus, magic, witches, bad omens…
• Mayan – There are a ton of 2012 influenced Mayan games. You don’t get to see the world end. You just lose money.
• Licensed – George Lucas has sold the fuck out with Indiana Jones and Star Wars. That said, Nina danced the whole time she played Star Trek, as she won money while William Shatner talked to her. I think this is something what her idea of heaven is like, if you add that she would be drinking a Ying and eating a hot dog with buffalo chicken dip on it.
• Girly – Ladybugs, southern belles, princesses, you get the picture.
• Medieval – Castles, wizards, unicorns…sometimes dangerously close to mystical or girly.

A lot of games combine these things. To give you a flavor of what it’s like to hang out with us at a casino, here is some of the conversation.

Sam: This is Enchanted Unicorn.
Nina: It’s kind of Medieval. But also kind of Girly. It’s a mix. Girly medieval.
Sam: It’s kind of Mystical as well.
Nina: Yeah. It kind of can be classified under a lot of types of slot machines.

This goes on as we go from machine to machine. Yes, we like to classify things and then discuss them. I also would like to state for the record that I did not lie that there was a Lucky Lemmings game in the casino. It was Lucky Meerkats, which I have learned is the official sequel. I lie about a lot of stuff that doesn’t matter, but this was not one of the Prince of Lies’ many lies.

Luckily, we came out ahead in money. We had the most fun on Wizard of Oz and Star Trek.

It’d be inappropriate to rate this with frosty mugs. Let’s just say it was a good day.


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