Pringles are lies.

Several times now, Nina and I have been buying snacks for one of our evenings of food tasting and we buy some Pringles. Pringles are crazy. They even started a bunch of lawsuits when they first came out.

They were originally known as “Pringle’s Newfangled Potato Chips,” but the Lay’s and Snyder’s of the world made some noise. Pringles failed to meet the definition of a potato “chip,” so they said, and even the FDA got involved. Finally, 20 some years after they first came out, it was decreed by law that Pringles could only use the word chip in their product name within the following phrase: “potato chips made from dried potatoes.” That’s why they call Pringles potato crisps.

The packaging is what made Pringles so awesome. In fact, the dude that made them? He was buring in a Pringles container. Check it out:

Dr. Fredric J. Baur was so proud of having designed the container for Pringles… that he asked his family to bury him in one. His children honored his request. Part of his remains were buried in a Pringles can — along with a regular urn containing the rest… Dr. Baur, a retired organic chemist and food storage technician who specialized in research and development and quality control for Procter & Gamble, died May 4 at 89… He developed many products, including frying oils and a freeze-dried ice cream, for P&G… But the Pringles can was his proudest accomplishment, his daughter said. He received a patent for the package as well as the method of packaging Pringles in 1970.

We always get suckered in by the limited time Pringles. This happened once with the Extreme Buffalo Pringles. It happened again with the Mexican Layered Dip. We come to these Pringles expecting rich, zesty flavor and get nothing. We think, maybe at the bottom of the can, there will be more flavor. And no. There is none. And we sit there staring at an empty can, feeling shame for having eaten the guaranteed 90 Pringles in a can.

Maybe we should stick to the standard flavors, like original (which really is not a flavor), salt and vinegar, sour cream and onion, Cheddar cheese and barbecue. Scarily enough, other countries get limited editions we don’t get, such as curry flavor (UK) and Soft-Shelled crab,Grilled Shrimp and Seaweed (Asia). I’ll be honest, I do not want seaweed Pringles. At all. I speak for Nina as well, here.

We get seasonal flavors like ketchup (blah), chili cheese dog (eh), “pizzalicious” (blahlicious), paprika(why), Texas BBQ sauce (maybe), and cajun (perhaps). Examples of limited edition flavors include honey mustard (no no no), cheesy fries (nope), onion blossom (sweet lord no), mozzarella cheese stick (never ever) and mexican layered dip (lies all lies). Once, they made Asian Pot Sticker Pringles, which were awesome, and of course, can not be found. But I am on a quest to find them so Nina can try them. I’ll be hitting the Dollar General and Family Dollars of the world until I find a can for her. They better not suck, but seeing as how Pringles rope the two of us in again and again, the chances are high that yes, we will end up with tears of blah.

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